Hello! I'm Amanda. I am currently twenty years old and stuck in a small town in Tennessee. I feel that my life is currently in a bind so forgive me if I get whiny on you. I am an extrovert in person but more of an introvert on here. I love having great adventures, both big and small. I would be more than happy if you joined me on one. ☂
This is a post.
This song has never rang more true or important to me than it has now.
Photosynthesis, Frank Turner
Well I guess I should confess that I am starting to get old
All the latest music fads all passed me by and left me cold
All the kids are talking slang I won’t pretend to understand
All my friends are getting married, mortagages and pension plans
And it’s obvious my angry adolescent days are done
And I’m happy and I’m settled in the person I’ve become
But that doesn’t mean I’m settled up and sitting out the game
Time may change alot but some things may stay the same
And I won’t sit down
And I won’t shut up
And most of all I will not grow up
And I won’t sit down
And I won’t shut up
And most of all I yeah I won’t grow up
Oh maturity’s a wrapped up package deal so it seems
And ditching teenage fantasy means ditching all your dreams
All your friends and peers and family solomnly tell you you will
Have to grow up be an adult yeah be bored and unfulfilled
Oh when no ones yet explained to me exactly what’s so great
About slaving 50 years away on something that you hate
Look I’m meekly shuffling down the path of mediocrity
Well if that’s your road then take it but it’s not the road for me
And I won’t sit down
And I won’t shut up
And most of all I will not grow up
And I won’t sit down
And I won’t shut up
And most of all I yeah I won’t grow up
And I won’t sit down
And I won’t shut up
And most of all I will not grow up
And if all you ever do with your life
Is photosynthesize
Then you deserve every hour of these sleepless nights
That you spend wondering when you’re gonna die
Now I’ll play and you sing
The perfect way for the evening to begin
Now I’ll play and you sing
The perfect way for the evening to begin
And I won’t sit down
And I won’t shut up
And most of all yeah I won’t grow up
And I won’t sit down
And I won’t shut up
And most of all I will not grow up
And I won’t sit down
And I won’t shut up
And most of all I will not grow up
![I should have been asleep, oh say, about three hours ago but I absolutely HAD to watch “Groundhog Day” (it was do or die so I chose ‘do’). And then I got on facebook and my good day (mostly good. We at Pizza Hut got our butts kicked but before that my day was filled with Chinese food, friends, and nerf weapons) went down the tubes. I seen an album of pictures from people in the theatre department (which is also my department) at my college and my stomach just knotted up into something you just can’t untwist. I honestly hate MTSU. I am unhappy when I am there but that isn’t to say that I haven’t met some wonderful, beautiful people. I met Jordan and I met Sage, two of the best people I got to know while there. But they, aside from a few other perks - mostly being my English 1010 and 1020 professors (1010 was taught by a short man who had more hair on his face and chest than his head and a love for Ray Bradbury—and hyphens— who was quite hilarious in a Seinfeld type manner and 1020 was taught by this beautiful, gay, silver foxed man with the perfect facial structure, perfect hair [everyday his hair was perfect come rain, snow, or shine. It was even perfect when he did nothing do it-windblown and all], a sense of style you would see come out of a magazine, with a dash of a sassy sense of humor to boot) who both encouraged me to keep writing and this wonderful professor named Jette who is simply the cat’s pajamas-, are the only good things there. And that is hard. It is hard going to a whole new place to do something you love and feel like your entire department doesn’t care about you or even acknowledge your existence outside the polite, “Hi, sweety! How are you?” It is hard to stay somewhere where you feel unwelcomed.
I dread returning in the fall and the only reason I am returning is for Jordan and Sage and the promise of studying abroad through the MT Abroad program. Which brings me to my next totem in my pole- studying abroad. I have been saying for over a year and a half now that I am getting my butt out of the U.S. and over to where my heart and head truly reside- The United Kingdom and Ireland. These places have been my dream for as far back as I can remember. I don’t even recall how it happened but all I know is is that I feel at home there when I see pictures and watch film. Once I get over there, I honestly don’t know when I will move back to the States. I plan on coming back for my best friend’s graduation but that is all I have planned. I need a new surrounding. I am beginning to drown in good ole Tennessee.
I have noticed a lot of things about me lately. I am tired. I can see it in my eyes (plus under them. Have you seen those bags?) and I can feel it in my twenty year-old body. It shouldn’t be like this but it is just the cards I have been dealt. I, however, feel that the cards may be in my favor very soon. I lent mom $250 out of this paycheck and she plans on paying me back soon. That money will go onto my car which will leave $150 left. I will have my car back before the end of the month!!! I have a good feeling Mardi Gras won’t be happening this year, which really saddens me. BUT I can stay home and rest my back and see my friends with my hopefully repaired car. I will be buying my Frank Turner tickets soon (both for Atlanta and Nashville, hopefully. Nashville is a for sure!)
It is my bed time. I suppose I will just start another episode of Sherlock or watch some more Shaun the Sheep until slumber comes and takes me away.
I apologize for my rambling. This was just supposed to be a quick picture of me saying how much I have grown uncomfortable with myself even though I love the shape of my nose and the color of my eyes.
I dunno. Sorry. Goodnight. Should I be sorry? … Goodnight?](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lytaqlpbjS1qh4ddno1_r2_500.jpg)
I should have been asleep, oh say, about three hours ago but I absolutely HAD to watch “Groundhog Day” (it was do or die so I chose ‘do’). And then I got on facebook and my good day (mostly good. We at Pizza Hut got our butts kicked but before that my day was filled with Chinese food, friends, and nerf weapons) went down the tubes. I seen an album of pictures from people in the theatre department (which is also my department) at my college and my stomach just knotted up into something you just can’t untwist. I honestly hate MTSU. I am unhappy when I am there but that isn’t to say that I haven’t met some wonderful, beautiful people. I met Jordan and I met Sage, two of the best people I got to know while there. But they, aside from a few other perks - mostly being my English 1010 and 1020 professors (1010 was taught by a short man who had more hair on his face and chest than his head and a love for Ray Bradbury—and hyphens— who was quite hilarious in a Seinfeld type manner and 1020 was taught by this beautiful, gay, silver foxed man with the perfect facial structure, perfect hair [everyday his hair was perfect come rain, snow, or shine. It was even perfect when he did nothing do it-windblown and all], a sense of style you would see come out of a magazine, with a dash of a sassy sense of humor to boot) who both encouraged me to keep writing and this wonderful professor named Jette who is simply the cat’s pajamas-, are the only good things there. And that is hard. It is hard going to a whole new place to do something you love and feel like your entire department doesn’t care about you or even acknowledge your existence outside the polite, “Hi, sweety! How are you?” It is hard to stay somewhere where you feel unwelcomed.
I dread returning in the fall and the only reason I am returning is for Jordan and Sage and the promise of studying abroad through the MT Abroad program. Which brings me to my next totem in my pole- studying abroad. I have been saying for over a year and a half now that I am getting my butt out of the U.S. and over to where my heart and head truly reside- The United Kingdom and Ireland. These places have been my dream for as far back as I can remember. I don’t even recall how it happened but all I know is is that I feel at home there when I see pictures and watch film. Once I get over there, I honestly don’t know when I will move back to the States. I plan on coming back for my best friend’s graduation but that is all I have planned. I need a new surrounding. I am beginning to drown in good ole Tennessee.
I have noticed a lot of things about me lately. I am tired. I can see it in my eyes (plus under them. Have you seen those bags?) and I can feel it in my twenty year-old body. It shouldn’t be like this but it is just the cards I have been dealt. I, however, feel that the cards may be in my favor very soon. I lent mom $250 out of this paycheck and she plans on paying me back soon. That money will go onto my car which will leave $150 left. I will have my car back before the end of the month!!! I have a good feeling Mardi Gras won’t be happening this year, which really saddens me. BUT I can stay home and rest my back and see my friends with my hopefully repaired car. I will be buying my Frank Turner tickets soon (both for Atlanta and Nashville, hopefully. Nashville is a for sure!)
It is my bed time. I suppose I will just start another episode of Sherlock or watch some more Shaun the Sheep until slumber comes and takes me away.
I apologize for my rambling. This was just supposed to be a quick picture of me saying how much I have grown uncomfortable with myself even though I love the shape of my nose and the color of my eyes.
I dunno. Sorry. Goodnight. Should I be sorry? … Goodnight?
Johnny Depp is a sex symbol to men and women alike but to me he has always been much more. Johnny Depp is an inspiration in my eyes. I admire his style, his quirky personality, his acting choices, his kind heart, his way with words- both in English and not, and his ability to melt hearts. He inspired me to go into acting and often times he is the only thing that keeps my passion burning. It is on my bucket list to work with him ( a long shot but I can still dream). I have been to his hometown on several occasions for the shear fact that it is where he was born (Owensboro, Kentucky which is roughly a three hour trip). He is a simple man with simple pleasures.
He is one of the most perfect men in my eyes, flaws and all. I feel that I am waiting for someone like him to venture into my life.
The most recent picture of me.
Me: I have to get my boots back from Stephen.
Mom: Yeah. Shoes aren’t cheap for you.
Me: I was the only girl with big enough feet that he knew… . It isn’t everyday you say you need to get your shoes back from a boy.
Another night of being awake. I almost dozed off at my friend’s but I knew I had to come home. I am now fighting too sleep. I hit the twenty-four hour mark around seven hours ago. I wish I could just doze off.
I will put on some Shaun the Sheep (my sleepy time remedy) and pray for the best.
Before I run off into the tornado weather to run errands and pick up mom followed by work, let me tell you about two of the best people I know that I am sure you may be familiar with:
Christian! This ray of sunshine has been in my life going on three years now. We have shared in some good and bad moments but through it all, he makes me smile even when I am upset with him. We pull shenanigans and all nighters. I got him into Doctor Who- something that matters very much to the both of us now. I want to be there for him no matter what- today, tomorrow, thirty years from now.
A defining moment for me and my love for him was just a few weekends back. We had been trying to find a place to crash and I just told him we would go over to our buddy Ryan’s house. The thing was, Ryan’s mom (Wendy) didn’t want anymore people over. We waited until about 12:30 a.m. to go over, sneaking in. If we got caught, I already had it all planned out. We parked away from the house, up the road at a church. While we walked, I mentioned something about being fat. “You’re not fat.” I looked at him, although he never looked at me (he does that. When it gets down to emotions, he likes to hide. I understand that.)
“I know I’m fat, Christian. It doesn’t bother me. It bothers other people.”
Still not looking at me, “I hate people.” He said it with a blank face but I could hear the honesty in his voice.
I love that someone as wonderful and handsome and fantastic as him can love a big jumble of flaws and ideas like me.
Secondly,
DILLON!!!! My very best mate of five years! We knew each other in elementary school but we didn’t talk much. I just remember him dressing up as Drew Carey for Halloween and me drawing him pictures. But my junior year of highschool changed everything.
I seen Dillon last night at Christian’s house were we celebrated Ray Day and a birthday. Once we were getting ready to leave, we sat outside for an hour talking. We discussed so many things that we haven’t before. I then realized how much I missed him. Dillon and I used to text/call everyday- for four years. But then he graduated high school and our schedules weren’t compatible. I get to see him every so often- and I latch onto every opportunity.
Dillon is a rational guy and always tells me to think twice before I do something stupid. This past summer I went bridge jumping. I was the first to take the plunge but right before I did, there was a little Dillon inside my head asking, “Are you sure you really want to do this, dummy? You could get hurt.” He always pops into my head right before I do stupid things. We have both grown so much throughout these five wonderful years of friendship but I wouldn’t prefer anyone but him.
He deserves all the riches this world has to offer. He deserves the girl he has been chasing for the past two years. He deserves it all.
It amazes me that such a sensible, handsome, and perfect young man could befriend a crazy, reckless, and raggedy girl like me.
I collect A LOT of gifs …
You should send me some random questions so I could use them :3
Hell, you can even insult me!
It would make me very happy!
…………. I just really wanna use some of these gifs, man.
I feel like a creeper when I download local music from local bands. But it is good music, But then I think “Oh, jeez. I had lunch with this person. ONCE. SEVEN MONTHS AGO. Why I have I listened to his song six times in row?”
I dunno. It makes me feel weird but then my brain goes “Musicians want their music to be enjoyed.”
I just feel like a creeper.
A timeline of me
June 2008
January 2010
August 2010
January 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
October 2011
December 2011
What will 2012 bring?
It has been six weeks since my car has broken down and without it I have been miserable. I can barely move as it is with my back being injured for almost five to six months but at least with my car I could escape the house of my own free will (I would go for walks but … my back haha). If I had my car, I could at least sleep in it when things got too crazy in the house. Instead, I have raging cases of insomnia, nightmares, headaches, and restlessness.
I haven’t been my usual playful self in a long time. All I ever do lately is telling myself that I have to keep my head above rising water.
I really hate being a bitch but when it comes to fucking around with my bank account, I go into to polite-bitch mode. Freescore.com- you just got pwn’d. My refund best be in my account 2-3 business days from now, ya hear? Or I will be back “Tamyka,” you best be believin’.
We’re halfway out of the dark.
Still in the process of learning to love me for me. :]
