I should have been asleep, oh say, about three hours ago but I absolutely HAD to watch “Groundhog Day” (it was do or die so I chose ‘do’). And then I got on facebook and my good day (mostly good. We at Pizza Hut got our butts kicked but before that my day was filled with Chinese food, friends, and nerf weapons) went down the tubes. I seen an album of pictures from people in the theatre department (which is also my department) at my college and my stomach just knotted up into something you just can’t untwist. I honestly hate MTSU. I am unhappy when I am there but that isn’t to say that I haven’t met some wonderful, beautiful people. I met Jordan and I met Sage, two of the best people I got to know while there. But they, aside from a few other perks - mostly being my English 1010 and 1020 professors (1010 was taught by a short man who had more hair on his face and chest than his head and a love for Ray Bradbury—and hyphens— who was quite hilarious in a Seinfeld type manner and 1020 was taught by this beautiful, gay, silver foxed man with the perfect facial structure, perfect hair [everyday his hair was perfect come rain, snow, or shine. It was even perfect when he did nothing do it-windblown and all], a sense of style you would see come out of a magazine, with a dash of a sassy sense of humor to boot) who both encouraged me to keep writing and this wonderful professor named Jette who is simply the cat’s pajamas-, are the only good things there. And that is hard. It is hard going to a whole new place to do something you love and feel like your entire department doesn’t care about you or even acknowledge your existence outside the polite, “Hi, sweety! How are you?” It is hard to stay somewhere where you feel unwelcomed.
I dread returning in the fall and the only reason I am returning is for Jordan and Sage and the promise of studying abroad through the MT Abroad program. Which brings me to my next totem in my pole- studying abroad. I have been saying for over a year and a half now that I am getting my butt out of the U.S. and over to where my heart and head truly reside- The United Kingdom and Ireland. These places have been my dream for as far back as I can remember. I don’t even recall how it happened but all I know is is that I feel at home there when I see pictures and watch film. Once I get over there, I honestly don’t know when I will move back to the States. I plan on coming back for my best friend’s graduation but that is all I have planned. I need a new surrounding. I am beginning to drown in good ole Tennessee.
I have noticed a lot of things about me lately. I am tired. I can see it in my eyes (plus under them. Have you seen those bags?) and I can feel it in my twenty year-old body. It shouldn’t be like this but it is just the cards I have been dealt. I, however, feel that the cards may be in my favor very soon. I lent mom $250 out of this paycheck and she plans on paying me back soon. That money will go onto my car which will leave $150 left. I will have my car back before the end of the month!!! I have a good feeling Mardi Gras won’t be happening this year, which really saddens me. BUT I can stay home and rest my back and see my friends with my hopefully repaired car. I will be buying my Frank Turner tickets soon (both for Atlanta and Nashville, hopefully. Nashville is a for sure!)
It is my bed time. I suppose I will just start another episode of Sherlock or watch some more Shaun the Sheep until slumber comes and takes me away.
I apologize for my rambling. This was just supposed to be a quick picture of me saying how much I have grown uncomfortable with myself even though I love the shape of my nose and the color of my eyes.
I dunno. Sorry. Goodnight. Should I be sorry? … Goodnight?